The Mystique that Surfaces at 26: Journey, Life Lessons and Philosophies

I am Libra, born along the roadside but if you ask my mum, she will look you in the eye and lie to you about how her son was born on Christmas Day making him a Capricorn. I had lived with this lie for a while till I decided to embark on a journey of self-discovery. This involved asking my maternal relatives who at least understood my mum to a certain extent. It really pained me when I asked her and she kept lying, I have never understood why but it gave her the element of satisfaction so be it. I became my own private investigator only to learn that I am a Libra. I have amazing siblings and I happen to be the only one not given the ancestry name from the paternal side. I have never wanted to overthink this to battle the question of another why. Maybe the answer I expect to find would not be enough but I have learnt to live with this peacefully. You will not always get all the answers you are looking for in life but life will offer you the answers that will get you by. This is life and over the past 25 years or so I have learnt to embrace some things, declutter some as I live life with different philosophies.
Lesson1: Time   One might argue time being a human construct but let’s be real, if you are going to keep someone waiting for long in the name of ‘African Timers’ then you make a joke about it, it’s wrong. If you think time is something to joke about, ask a doctor who missed saving a patient because of a second. You can as well ask Eliud Kipchoge who once raced against time and was almost beaten with 20 Seconds to the set time for him to set a world record. 

Another aspect of time I have learnt is that there is nothing like ‘the right time’ but there is ‘when the time is right’. If you could tell the difference you will notice that one is a dismissive phrase which calls for a decision-making spree. 

Philosophy: Learn not to waste time and as Lupita Nyon’go said “learn to take your time but don’t waste your time’

Lesson 2: Communication I am an ardent believer in effective communication. Effective communication doesn’t just involve talking but listening is also key. Communication ought to involve a chain of talking, listening, conceptualising and comprehension then reply. This is a core foundation of any relationship from friendship to a life partner. I have grown to learn that communication which is succinct and clear will not make people struggle explaining nor understanding.  

Philosophy: Communication is an art of giving and take. If you cannot explain it then you have not understood it.

Lesson 3: Fate & Destiny I am not a believer of fate. We are defined by our destinies, not our fate. Fate is what happens to us unexpectedly whereas destiny is what happens to us unexpectedly and we choose to do something about it. 

Philosophy: Your fate may be sealed but not your destiny.

Lesson 4: Promises  If you are going to make promises to people, you better be sure of keeping them. Be a person who keeps their money where their mouth is. If not, do not promise anything to anyone. Over the years I have learnt not to make any promises. I have embraced telling people ‘I will try my best’. The reason I refrain from making promises is that most of the time in life, circumstances determine our next action. That does not mean I am non-committed. 

Philosophy: Learn to underpromise and then over-deliver than overpromise and underdeliver. 

Lesson 5:  Expectations I have learnt that expectations are killers of people’s dreams, visions and ambitions. Most humans are unreliable to manage too many expectations. Be a person of your word. Set goals, have a vision, dreams and work towards them. Limit people’s or self’s disappointments by limiting expectations. 

Philosophy: If you are going to have expectations make sure they do not supersede your efforts. 

Lesson 6: Trust   Trust is like a glass, once broken it cannot be fixed. Mistrust is just another cataclysmic recipe for disaster. Nothing thrives in mistrust. Try as much as possible not to break one’s trust because the cost will always outweigh the benefit. It takes a lot to rebuild trust than to build it, so try not to break it at all cost. 

Philosophy: At one point in life you will have to trust someone, learn to trust yourself and your God more.

Lesson 7: Responsibility It doesn’t matter about your circumstance, whether privileged or not your life will always be your responsibility once you are born. I would love to console you that your parents have a role in it but they did their part by giving birth to you, now it’s you to figure it all out. Life at one point will punch you hard and catch you on the blind side and your mind will tell you to wallow in blaming others or your circumstance. 

Philosophy: Remember blame has never solved anything for anyone in life, stop complaining.   

Lesson 8: Parenthood If you choose to be a parent do it right, give your best and be responsible. Regardless of what you have, your education or any other status, be a responsible parent to your kids. I have never been a parent but I have lived 25 years observing the intricacies of parenthood. Raised by a single mother, life has shown me that parenthood is all founded on love, responsibility and mutuality. Your child will always be your child no matter what and who she/he turns out to be. Raising a child is not easy and so is life and while at it remember as a parent you do not have a second chance of raising your child so if means going hard on them, do it. 

Philosophy: Parenthood has nothing to do with blood ties or giving birth. It has everything to do with responsibility. No one chooses their parents but most times parents choose when to have kids unless its rape.  

Lesson 9: Respect  Respect Is Something Earned (RISE). Regardless of age, wealth, education or any other life barometer society has set. People will respect you if you respect them. This will make you rise and endear life differently in different spectrums. Never demand respect, never command respect neither blackmail for respect. 

Philosophy: Respect follows the simple principle of reciprocity for it to be earned. Respect yourself and people will respect you. 

Lesson 10: Fairness  You may find this argumentative but truth be told, life is never fair and will never be fair. That explains why others are more privileged than others. Putting them on the same pedestal of life for a start wouldn’t be fair. However, it is imperative to note that death is the best invention life has had. It equates everyone. In as much as life is never fair, everyone has the opportunity to make something out of themselves. 

Philosophy: No one ever said life will be fair. 

Lesson11: Privilege
Never feel sorry for being privileged because everyone in life desires to be privileged given an opportunity. However, if you ever find yourself in a position of privilege, never think that those who are less privileged are less human or lazy. Do not make any prejudices and vindications of people without knowing their story. Instead, try and uplift the less privileged if you can, because by now you understand that we don’t all start life in the same track line but we all finish it in the same track(death).  Be careful when you embrace privilege because if it gets the better of you without control, it breeds entitlement and pride.  

Philosophy: Life operates with a switch, be careful about privilege.

Lesson 12: Beauty  The concept of beauty will always remain relative. The moment you embrace the societal standard of defining beauty this will just create an opinion crisis for you. Opinion crisis breeds indecisiveness which harbours insatiable nature. You may argue that human wants are insatiable, I agree but there is a difference between wants and needs. Therefore, if you are going to fall in love, define your own beauty standards but remember outward beauty fades with time. 

Philosophy: Beauty is deep skin. 

Lesson 13: Work & Job If you are going to do a job, do it right and do it to the best of your ability. While at it, learn the difference between working and doing a job. Many have sacrificed their life, dreams and aspirations for a job. Job is an exchange of your time, labour and sometimes sacrifices for a salary. 

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In 2007, Stellah was heading back to Nakuru from Kisumu after spending many years working for company X. At one point in 2003 when she gave birth to her last-born, she went back to work after 3 days. I doubt if anaesthesia had kicked out of her system. She had worked so hard to be where she was.  She had lived with her children in a Children’s home and in the streets at one point. She has always been a hard worker, but in 2007 she received a call which was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She had been fired from this job which she had sacrificed everything for in many years of her life.

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Stellah is my mother and this taught me that we are all dispensable. It doesn’t matter how good you are or a great talent you got you will always be replaced at a job. This does not mean you give the bare minimum at it. A job is an opportunity someone has offered you and it can be taken away from you anytime. Give your best but remember you can always be fired any time, rendered redundant or company close up. Dr Myles Monroe would tell you that work means to fulfil one’s full purpose which is the greatest fulfilment of one’s life purpose. 

Philosophy: There is a difference between work and job, one can be a means to the other while the other can make you realise your life purpose to bring you fulfilment.  

Lesson 14: Family  A family does not necessarily mean blood ties, after all, we are all the human family. No one chooses their blood family but life teaches us to live with it and embrace it. Every family has their own issues and do not think that your family has the worst story to tell. Therefore, if you are going to peg your so-called happiness and satisfaction on family, embrace your family with their flaws because sometimes they are all you got in life. 

Philosophy: Just the way a home is not a place but a feeling, the same way family is not necessarily blood. 

Lesson 15: Love This concept has broken many but at the same time, it has built many. Love occurs in levels and strands.  Agape love is the ultimate love but Eros love has brought forth life and, in the process, some have lost lives as well.  Eros love which is attributed to romantic or relationships has been misconstrued. I will be lying if I pretend that I know much about love. However, I have lived to define Eros love with two words ‘Commitment and Respect’. I embraced this standard for my Eros love as I give unconditional agape to any human. 

Philosophy: Love is simply commitment and respect. Do not look for love, it will always find you. 

Lesson 16: Relationship Relationships are life’s social contracts, appreciate everyone you experience. Humans can sometimes be disappointing and untrustworthy. Pick it as a lesson. If it’s a relationship you are planning to have, define boundaries and make sure you share similar energy in all aspects. It is called mutuality.  

Philosophy: There are things in life you can never force and relationship is one of them. Relationships thrive in mutuality. 

Lesson 17: Education & Learning  Mark Twain will tell you to never allow your education to come in the way of your learning. I am a stun believer of being a lifetime learner. Your education should reflect your character and how you treat people. Remember you will not always be perfect at it but strive to bring your education values from your schooling. You go to school to learn how to think not to get a job. The greatest tragedy you can have is to give up your thinking in life. 

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Carter G. Woodson in his book ‘Miseducation of the Negro’ will tell you, “If you can control a man's thinking you do not have to worry about his action. When you determine what a man shall think you do not have to concern yourself about what he will do. If you make a man feel that he is inferior, you do not have to compel him to accept an inferior status, for he will seek it himself. If you make a man think he is justly an outcast, you will not have to order him to the backdoor. He will go without being told, and if there is no backdoor his very nature will demand one”

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Philosophy: You are never too old to learn and you are never too young to teach.

Lesson 18: Intelligence, Knowledge & Wisdom I will not claim monopoly over knowledge, intelligence or wisdom. However, life has taught me that there is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. Reading guarantees knowledge but not wisdom. Wisdom is how you utilise the knowledge you have. Wisdom will come to you in an unexpected way. 

Intelligence on the other hand has facets; Emotional Quotient (EQ), Social Quotient (SQ) and Intelligent Quotient (IQ). 

Philosophy: IQ will get you through the company door, EQ will get you through that position but SQ will get you through life. 

Lesson 19: Religion  I am not the most religious person but I appreciate the fellowship and value my most intimate relationship with God. I profess Christianity and live it to the best of my knowledge according to the good book. This is because it gives me the element of a compass in life. 

Do I sin? Yes, I am not perfect but I believe in the concept of grace and forgiveness. 

Do I judge others for not being Christians? No, who am I to judge a fellow human being yet I am a sinner.

I believe in the element of God and Christ because it’s a personal decision and I have a reason to as opposed to believing that I am a Christian because I was socialised to being one. 

Philosophy: Let your religious beliefs be reflected in your values and character. God does not have a religion. 

Lesson 20: Failure & Rejection Do not lie to yourself that you will always be accepted everywhere by anyone. This is life and Murphy’s law is bound to happen to you any time. Therefore, in life, you will face rejection and failure. As Les Brown would put it, “Learn to use NO as your vitamin for life”. Embrace NO as a full sentence and learn to say NO as well. Failure is a good stepping stone to build on. Adversity introduces a man to himself. At one point in life, you will be rejected, you will fail and you will get disappointed. This might introduce you to the concept of self-doubt. You will hit the rock bottom. Make this your defining moment. In life you will come across someone better than you or you will be better than someone in something you will always remain your own competition. Stick to your lane. Having standards is not a measure of pride because everyone needs to stand for something or they will fall for anything. You will never fit everyone’s standards and not everyone will fit yours. 

Philosophy: Failure and rejection can be a great foundation to build on. Use them as rock-bottom to build a foundation for what is to come. Shakespeare would say ‘sweet are the users of adversity’ 

Lesson 21: Truth & Integrity If you are going to lie make sure it is on matters of life and death. You can as well choose to die because of your conviction which will make you a ‘life martyr’.  Learn to live your truth always. The moment you start lying for your convenience, you will go down that abyss of lies spiralling. One lie birth the other until it forms a web of lies. Your integrity will be in question and so will be people’s belief and trust in you. Stop following people who are making you an option in life, they will use lies to manipulate you as long as they can.

Philosophy: Live your truth, nothing less but the truth. In the end, your truth defines you.  Winston Churchill will tell you, “The truth is incontrovertible, ignorance can deride it, panic may resent it, malice may destroy it, but there it is”

Lesson 22: Rules & Laws There is a difference between rules and laws. What is morally wrong will not always be legally right and what is legally wrong will not always be morally right.  This should register in your mind that rules are a creation of man in society. Everything in life operates within a certain law of nature. Society will try and box you in their belief system but when you are critical enough you will realise the rules set are to make you an average person and stay comfortable to suit its need and not yours. Rules can always be bent not laws; this will make you stand out because you do not have to fit in. 

Philosophy; Do not just be a common person, uncommon people do uncommon things which involves laws and not rules because rules will cage you into thinking in a particular way whereas laws will show you the process. 

Lesson 23: Success & Happiness Happiness is a state of mind whereas success is a full manifestation of oneself in life. There is no particular formulae to success but success has clues. Success is within you not outside you. 

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Proverbs 23:5 He who chases money, money takes wings.

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Philosophy: Pursue happiness then success will automatically follow suit because success is not a pursuit and you define your own happiness. 

Lesson 24: Dreams and Goals Once you know your value and you have identified your dreams and goals with your gift, be unstoppable. Keep moving towards your dreams. It doesn’t matter if you are limping, crawling or flying, keep moving forward by any means. The best gift you can ever give yourself is achieving your dreams in life. It will not be easy, you will encounter blowbacks, uppercuts, kickbacks, you will take a detour, you will fall but maintain the focus. You can never rewrite history but you can always make history. It doesn’t matter how long it will take you to achieve your dreams and goals, keep moving towards them. You will not always get the support you want especially from the people you think will always support you. At one point you will need others for support and they might disappoint you but the dream will always remain yours, only know it's valuable to you. It will only be valuable to others when it changes to success. That is when everyone will want to associate with it. Many people do not care about the process, all they want is results. Commit and fight to your dream.

Philosophy:  Dreams only remain dreams if they are not acted upon. Act on your dreams so that when you die, you will die empty.  

Lesson 25: Life  Life will never be easy neither will it be fair. You will never have things on an even kill every time.  That is just life. And if you always find it easy then that is not life, I do not know what that is. Life is all about choices. Tragedy happens, you will be happy, you will be disappointed, you will be hurt, you will be loved and that is what defines life in totality. So, rather than complaining about everything learn to embrace them because once the pulse line is flattened it means you are no more. Your existence in life doesn’t guarantee your success but the fact that you exist is an indication enough that life is not yet done with you. 

Philosophy: Life is short and doesn’t have guarantees. So, if there is something you want to do, do it today because you do not know the time your curve will flatten. You cannot tell how much time you have left. 

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Emmanuel Mamadi ~ It doesn’t matter what life throws at you, never put your guard down. Make the world your centre stage and as it sings along, play to it’s the tune but with a different dance to surprise it. 

Aurelia ~Stop living your life as if you have 1000 years to live.

Robert Antony~ You can only have two things in life: reasons and results. Reasons don’t count.

Live each day as if it were your last; live with a sense of urgency.

Have your life blueprint but learn to live one day at a time.

It doesn’t matter how hard life might corner you, there is always a way.

Life is a gift, take a swing at it.

Charles Martin~ Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes. 

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Hello 26……